We were on an AC car that made one’s 4 hour journey comfortable enough to see Ayyappa. As always, I do my research on the place and it’s history. Mythology states that Ayyappa, an orphan kid was adopted by a childless kingly couple in 3000BC.The warrior prince at the age of 12 had set forth to the jungle to procure medicinal plants for treating his step mother’s ailment. The ailment now was a concocted story crafted by his step-mom and her allies to ensure that the prince never returned back and that the queen’s actual child inherited the kingdom. Expressing his love for his mom and his tireless determination to serve his karma, he endures into the deep forests with unforeseen, mysteries to be unfolded. The turning point in the story comes when he meets the monstrous beast / devil of the forest and valiantly kills it. The beast was quite powerful as it had a boon from both vishnu and shiva saying that no one except the son of Shiva and Vishnu could kill the otherwise immortal. And thus Hari-Hara Sudhan or our dear lord ayyappan was started to be worshipped.
I was smiling within me, wondering how easy it was to convince a group of identity-less humans through stories and myths. Further research told me another version of the story. This time, the story of a warrior who ventured into the forest for his kingdom alongwith his companions (including Vavar, a muslim) and killed a beast which troubled the common mob in the kingdom. The temple was a memoir to pay homage to his bravery. Stories, they are and there are many.
The ride on the car was good. We really didn’t bear the hardships an Ayyappa had to actually undergo en-route. “Playing the songs are fine no sir? Never really asked you”. It was our driver who used to be on calls most of the time, even while driving, discussing about his next trip and other business deeds. I had by then, made first impressions of him, that of an irresponsible, in disciplined, greedy human being. My dad but nicely started a conversation which turned out to be a turning point in my quest for Tat-Tvam-Asi. He started to narrate his life story.
He was born to a low-caste poor family. As a child he never really thought about being educated and at a tender age, he had started driving. Saved every penny for his family and his future. Marriage happened. He had an identity for survival now. He was a responsible husband. It was the time of his life. All the hardships till date seemed to have paid off. He was settling down. He soon became a father. Now, he had to work day and night to feed his family. His sweat had the scent of happiness.
Frugality of hope and happiness, they say. Before his child was even a year old, his wife passed away in a dreadful manner. Heart attack and lack of good treatment thereafter were causes. He tried all he could have then but “God” for him thought otherwise. He now had a 1 year child in his hand and a renewed identity this time , that of a father who would now have to raise his kid without a mother. “I don’t sleep much sir, these days. I have an aim and I’m working hard for it. I want my kid to grow up well. “He was so happy to show his wife’s and his kid’s pics. I could see his ecstasy in showing us the pics only to realize, that was him forgetting what has actually happened to him. He but still moved on, not stirring to what had happened to him.
This person in front of me whom I had judged whimsically showed me what attitude meant in real life. I was ashamed of myself only to realize that every human, you me and everyone was an ego-centric, selfish creature, the extent to which being the variable. How foolish it would have been to make those first impressions. How many times would we have already done that. It was a realization.
Looking at the bigger picture, I could picturize what might have motivated the ancient sages and rishis to tread up hills and wander alone. It would be the people they would encounter. Their experiences and these teachings would never come from textbooks nor does it open-up to the ego-centric. A peaceful repose on the tranquil riverbanks would have made them introspect and retrospect and thus initiating the refining
process within themselves.
Now when I started analyzing the whole concept of Sabarimala, things seem to be different to me. 41 days of no luxuries would not mean that God or Ayyappa would be happy. I realized that the meaning was deeper. It would only systemtaise our otherwise life without a control. It would mean the realization of the simplicity/triviality of our existence. It speaks about spending time for yourself , sacrificing worldly pleasures and blending with nature irrespective of caste creed and color. It talks about refinement which later on other philosophers like Adi Shankaracharya through the concept of Duality and Gautam Budha though his story of the enlightenment, preached. Walking all the way from home to the mala, through the heart of the forests did not mean all your sins would be washed away. It would mean that, your mind and your thought process would be more refined as different experiences and people confront you and eventually change the way you think. It would nurture the qualities goodness, kindness, generosity, love and care (combine it and call it “God”) in you. It is this what mythology also preaches. “Find the God in you.” Similarly the legendary Makaravilakku and the Patinettam padi (18 steps to enlightenment) were all mythological references / stories, which can now be justified as incentives offered for mediocrity in order to achieve the bigger purpose of being civilized and simple.
Well, these were my key takeaways and the icing on top was that, Sabarimala was open to all religions and castes and they proclaim the philosophy of everyone being one and the same (except for women entering the temple..well that is mythology / part of a story which mediocrity has believed in). It advocates the principle that each and every individual, irrespective of what he is, has a story to tell of good and bad , happy and sad. Each of these stories has the power to influence in ways one might not think of. Eventhough I cannot prove that the concept of ‘Tat-tvam-asi’ is what drives all the millons of people to the shrine, it is clear to me that, all of them have knowingly or unknowingly initiated this refining process, when they started climbing the mala.
I reached the Sannidhanam and bypassed all the queue and the crowd, thanks to my dad’s passes. There was nothing inspirational on top except the sight of so many Swamis, standing in the queue, seeking Tat-Tvam-Asi. I met the idol and winked at him, for in a way opening my eyes to the much profound and esoteric essence of Tat-Tvam-Asi. It was a religion in itself with a motto that would go like: ‘The God my friend , is in you. Nurture him, adore Him, love Him and hug him tighter, coz he my friend is you!!’ My parents and grandparents were right. It HAD to be experienced!
