I am on a break!

Well so thats it! Credit Suisse front office analyst role. Done for now! I am no longer employed

A lot of people support the idea of taking a break. Trust me its worth it is what Ive heard. It helps you get refreshed, makes you all geared up for the next phase, all in all gives you freetime!

Honestly, the break so far has been the best time Ive ever had and I hope will continue to make it memorable. Lot many things were looked forward to when I took the decision fo quitting:

1. I get to stay in my room! Its been 2 years since dad had constructed this room and I've only stayed here for the 2-3 days of mini vacations at home sweet home. I realise I've never had a room for myself till date. I want to have that part of my life where I really stay, live and belong to a room in your home!

2. I get to realise what staying at Trivandrum for a while is. I mean this is my home city and I have not spent good enough time here in my youth to have a sense of belonging. My education was at IIT Madras post which I spent 2.5 years in the hustle and bustle of Aamchi Mumbai. This is a city where I see myself settling down in the long run!

3. My leg which I have been missing for a while now is back on track to recovery. I needed this break to set it back so that I get back the life I have been missing

4. I have been yearning to spend quality time with my family mom, dad, grandparents, cousins, relatives. Guess this break will help me be a part of my family and my home

5. I plan to travel after the first 2 months. To places where I am lost in the surroundings. I need to travel to decide what I need to do post my studies next year.

6. I intend to read and improve my understanding about a bunch of topics in business and finance. I intend to read about online commerce ventures and better my understanding about e-startups in India and globally.

7. Photography! Something I've always wanted to venture and try out since passing out of college. Now that I am crippled and denied the ability to play, run or travel, I have gifted myself a Canon EOS 1200D (18-55mm + 55-250mm lens). Im now thinking about good ideas to utilise the same. Surely the break will help me pick up this to a decent level.

8. Work a bit more on my sense of music. Improvise on my cajon and pick up my guitar lessons from where I had left. Listen to good songs and explore trivandrum jam scenes hopefully similar to the ones in Mumbai!

9. 2014 was a disastrous year by all means and I really want the next year to be kind to me! Went through a lot of personal issues which definitely hit my confidence levels. I need to refine myself and mould myself better and this will only be possible through introspection and spending good time with urself. Hopefully I get to do this too

10. Overall, my tenure towards the end of the analyst role made me realise that I really had to structure my life. I was wasting my time doing corporate slavery. I sort of want to face the "Enthino vendi thilakunna sambhar" conundrum. It is one of the toughest questions to confront and I aim to face it and hopefully find an answer to this!

To take this break after quitting my job in Mumbai is really not easy. Saying no to Mumbai, the money and the people was never easy. But I guess you often park your ride for a while to rev up and move on, maybe a totally different path!!

Karmayogi

What we need in our world!

The finish line

As the finish line approaches.. The racer is in 2 states... Happy for having won it.. Melancholic for the pointlessness and all that he has fought against ...  'For what' is what he asked eventually... All that he could hear was the uproar of his audience..... His inner voice muted by the intensity of externalities

You have always been a beauty!

This was during one of those lonely bike rides after 2am in the night after a days work at office. Exhausted I was and lets also add a flavor of dejection to the scene. Singing out my favourite songs aloud while riding is something which I do quite often. Melodies that strike a chord with your thoughts and emotions are mostly chosen :P

Nilavinte neelabahsama kurai aninjavale came up and though I don’t do it quite often, I spared a moment to look up at the sky for a glimpse of the “Nilavu”. I stopped my bike on the side, the sight was amazing!

I could see a beauty ignored, dejected and subjugated in the darkness. The Moon!

I stopped at this breath taking view of the glamorously illuminated Bandra worli sea link, next to our flat, by the side of the mahim bay to catch a better view of her.

She was still and standing lonely, in the dark. The clouds would smother her, she would be blinded for a while, but with nothing but hope, she would still come back, seeking for attention, that she never really got in her whole life!

People associate her with eeriness, ignorance, deprivation and servility (low caste / nagas). Not her fault right! I mean look at it her friend, the Sun was the attention seeker, symbolizing radiance, character, supremacy and auspiciouness and the moon, who really cared? We all rush to catch a glimpse of the sunrise or sunset, we love the sun and we admire it. But the moon, she was never cared for, leave alone revered! How would that feeling be? I wondered, would she have accepted it, would she be sad. Day in Day out, fate had it that she would be visible only when people slept. She would relentlessly serve her Karma in dejection! Silence at her best!

It was spontaneous. The much acclaimed "Karmayogi" tag ripped off the sun and placed on her cute forehead! I could now see her smile, a tear dropping down her eyes and all I could say was: “You little thing, you have always been a beauty”

Peace and death

To think that I won't be able to see you ever again is grievance that will only end with me
To realize that all you have done to make me what I am.... was always unconditional is a feeling I cannot stop crying forTo feel the pain of not being to able to spend my time with you, listening to your interesting yet trivial problems, roaming around with you in the auto shopping and buying flowers, buying those horror books, colourful calendars and wallpapers, each and everytime giving me the feeling that doing so was the most awesome thing I could do, is unbearably difficuly 

To realise that you are no more and that my childhood days are now semi-void, my life sucked out of half life is horryfing

Yet with all the happiness in the world, to a wonderful human being, my ammumma, I tell you although even your ashes are no more with us you will live through your love and the fond memories.

You shall be missed but happy I am for the peaceful way you bid farewell once and for all, symbolizing the way you lived independently.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kjqkTb7aZzk

Bye bye forever! I shall only continue to love you!

Look around!

A human mind needs attention! Its his fuel. He tries to cling onto things that make him feel comfortable. He yearns for love, care and emotional consoling. He prejudices his mind to befriend somebody which might not be remotely possible. But little does he know if there is someone else seeking for the same love and attention from himself. Its a vicious circle and all one needs to do is look around. U will find it! But unlike last time being selfish, this time reciprocate.

That greatest feeling in life!

Is it that smile on a mother’s face when she sees her new born baby in her shivering arms for the first time ever!

Would it be those happy tears of a home-bound soldier as he sees his soulmate’s pensive face through the glimmer of his lantern, reminded of a time when he wished to see her for only one last time at the warfield to tell her that she was the most beautiful thing to have happened in his life.

Is it the excitement on a dad’s face when he sees his child coming back someday with his bike, only to take him for his first ever ride, reminded of the days when he used to teach him his cycle; his mind clinging onto those hazy memories of that last time when he left the kid on his own feet with a gentle push from behind, promising him....come what way that he would always be next to him!

Is it that smile with a scent of achievement of a village girl who has fought her way out from the underprivileged, poor, uneducated and male chauvinistic society that she was destined to be born, finally returning to her village with her first pay cheque only to place it on the feet of her parents and thanking them for all the empty stomach nights they have spent and lot many other things sacrificed in their life.

Would it be that moment when the person whom you love the most, holds you by your hand and tells you eye-to-eye, heart-to-heart that you are the most gorgeous creature in the whole world and bending on the knees gives you that first kiss of your life on your cold hands.

Touchy, emotional and feel good moments these and many others that each and every one can type down, are!!

But for me, if you can be that reason for the little smile amidst the tears of a struggling individual, irrespective of sex, caste, relations, religion what not, that is what I would describe to be the greatest feeling! There is unconditionality, care, love and above all godliness!